Tuesdays with Morrie
(A book written by Mitch Albom)
Paper written by MangaJuiceXD (when I was in 2nd year college... found it saved in my drafts and decided to share them with you ^^)
Tuesdays with Morrie is one of the greatest books I’ve ever read. It is a story of a young man and his old professor (Just like it says on the front cover, they had their sessions during Tuesday afternoons after his mentor was diagnosed with ALS). There’s not much of a story, just a simple plot of some old memories of college and the like. But even through its simplicity, this (book) made me cry. I admit that this is one of the stories that needed a lot of attention, and once you gave what it demanded, then it might change the way you look at life.
I first read this book in 3rd year of high school. At first I didn’t understand any of it and just gave the book to mama. Mama read it and digested every piece of lesson she could find, and highlighted it with her marker. Since then, as my mind matured, (if it really did) I read those things she highlighted. But sadly, she didn’t return the book back to me so I forgot some essential lessons from it. (She already passed away, but still hasn’t returned it to me,) And now, I am already at my 2nd year of college, I have to face this book again. This time, with my own understanding (and to fulfill three pages of a term paper), anyways, since I couldn’t find my copy, I went to bookstores and then read again (those books that are already open, I know it’s wrong but I don’t have any choice).
Now, I wanted to discuss on my paper, some selected quotes I found. This time I reflect with my seventeen year old brain.
"Have I told you
about the tension of opposites?" Morrie says.
The tension of opposites?
"Life is a series
of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take
certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.
"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."
Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.
"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way.”
So which side wins, I ask?
"Which side wins?" He smiles at me, the crinkled eye, and the crooked teeth.
"Love wins. Love always wins."
True, Love always wins, what is love? I don’t know. It is still a great mystery right? But, for me, love is something you would never regret even if you risk your life for it. Love is truly beautiful, Love is essential, it settles things, ends fights. But on the contrary, Love can initiate them. Life is hard and brutal. Life is what you make it. Life is a tough game. Whatever you say about life… love, will always be your brake (a timeout I’ll say,) it saves you from being insane about life’s blows. (Get what I mean?)
"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it." -- Morrie
I always complained about my figure. It isn’t perfect like those models you see on billboards, and you know what, it makes me feel so insecure about myself. (It sucks! and I hate it) I remember how I wanted to fit in, and you couldn’t blame me. I always wanted to be socially accepted, to appear socially beautiful, that I forget to take care of myself. It really takes guts to break it. Well, I think I am on the process of breaking it myself. I really love this line. Instead of focusing on my physical aspect, I should focus on things that should be worth focusing, such as family, talents and friends. These things are those which you call “essentially important” right? I don’t find anything wrong if I said I still like cartoons at my age.
"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." -- Morrie
People usually walk in this world because of these words: M-O-N-E-Y and R-E-P-U-T-A-T-I-O-N. Then, they begin to neglect their family, friends and loved ones. These things are really a wrecker! I tell you. And it makes you so frustrated! (I know people like this). But what they do not know is that they are also neglecting themselves! They occupy themselves on things that don’t give them enjoyment, thus, when they hit old age, they just realize that what they have done on earth isn’t enough. I just don’t want to experience regrets. It’s the worst thing that you can experience.
"You see," he says to the girl, you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see; you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you are in the dark. Even when you are falling."
Trust, is a very hard thing to do. That’s why I really admire people who trust others. Giving others your trust is just being blind yourself, you surrender everything and it’s up to those people to keep them for you. It takes a lot of courage, and in this world where we live in, trust is really hard to give and maybe perhaps to earn. Is there a word ‘trust’ when it comes to a world wherein the rule is: survival of the fittest?
"Everybody knows they are going to die," he said again, "but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently."
So we kid ourselves about death, I said.
"Yes. But there's a better approach. To know you're going to die, and to be prepared for it at any time. That's better. That way you can actually be more involved in your life while you're living."
Probably, this must be one of the reasons why I wanted to do the things I wanted and not just merely do things that others would dictate on me. Life is short, you might be alive today, and then you may be gone tomorrow. But, people just don't realize that fact (I'm guilty of it). It makes us decide on what path we would like to take in life, because, I do not want the idea of living a thousand times. (But, sometimes it sounds great right?)
"The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn't the family. It's become quite clear to me as I've been sick. If you don't have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don't have much at all." – Morrie
Family. Family is such a wonderful thing, and I realized it when I first entered college. In college, I am far from home, nobody would care for me (well, I’m lucky enough to have some people take care of me), and I must learn to stand up on my own. When my family is away, I feel lost, and it’s really so bothersome! Everybody must have been longing for home. Family for me is my greatest escape from these pressures; they comfort me, and know every inch of me. There may be fights, I know, It wouldn't be a normal family if there isn't right? But the bottom line is… I can be myself when I am with them.
I thought about how often this was needed in everyday life. How we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don't let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry. Or how we feel a surge of love for a partner but we don't say anything because we are frozen with the fear of what those words might do to the relationship.
This is the statement I couldn't describe. Forgive me, but until now, I am still trying to discover this myself. It is alright to cry, I don't find anything wrong, but to cry in front of others is a different story. When we cry by ourselves, we usually have this feeling that we need to be heard out, just like a baby crying in order to be fed by his mother. But when we cry in front of others, we don't want them to see the pain we are feeling, because, we know we to can cause them sorrow. Crying alone must be the most appropriate. As for telling somebody that you love him/her, is a hard thing. My mother used to tell me to never confess my feelings, and until now, I never told a boy how much I loved him. The question is what if I did? I am always thinking that it would ruin our present relationship as friends. Sometimes, it is nice to stay on the safe side wherein nobody can hurt you, but, how will you know about what the other person is feeling? (AGRH! I hate talking about this!)
"The truth is, when our mothers held us, rocked us, stroked our heads-none of us ever got enough of that. We all yearn in some way to return to those days when we were completely taken care of-unconditional love, unconditional attention. Most of us didn't get enough." – Morrie
I love mama, and will always be! But she's in heaven right now, and now all of my secrets are unlocked! I miss her. I miss the way she takes care of me, how she strokes my hair while I am sleeping, when we go shopping, when we go to the parlor to cut our hair, also teaching me how to put make-up on myself, and giving me her insights about life, (I also miss her reprimanding me!). Since I am the eldest, she expects a lot from me, and I have to record all the teachings she told me so that I can pass it down to my sisters. She had always been my idol, my best friend.
"All this emphasis on youth-I don't buy it," he said. "Listen, I know what a misery being young can be, so don't tell me it's great. All these kids who came to me with their struggles, their strife, their feelings of inadequacy, their sense that life was miserable, so bad they wanted to kill themselves…"
Life can be bad for a youngster. They (we) make the world a complicated place wherein we don't know where to place ourselves in societies norms. As a college student, there are a lot of things to be done in such a small period of time. Forgive me, but sometimes, I just want to commit suicide! (haha just joking, but true.)
"Wherever I went in my life, I met people wanting to gobble up something new. Gobble up a new car. Gobble up a new piece of property. Gobble up the latest toy. And then they wanted to tell you about it.”
"Guess what I got? Guess what I got?"
"You know how I always interpreted that? These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. They were embracing material things and expecting sort of a hug back. But it never works. You can't substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.
"Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness. I can tell you, as I'm sitting here dying, when you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feelings you are looking for, no matter how much of them you have."
I hate money. That’s true. but mama told me, "You hate money, but can buy you things your family need such as a secure house, tuition fees and buying tickets in order to enter Enchanted Kingdom with friends" Ok, I know I've lost. Money isn't a bad thing unless you get so obsessed with it. I would not be able to satisfy my hunger if I don't BUY food. Right?
"Part of the problem, Mitch, is that everyone is in such a hurry, " Morrie said. "People haven't found meaning in their lives, so they're running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next house, the next job. Then they find those things are empty, too, and they keep running."
Once you start running it's hard to slow yourself down.
One thing I can't understand is why people keep on running around in circles but they don't know what they are really chasing? But could I blame them if I know that I too am guilty of this thing. The world demands a lot from us right now, and we do our best to fulfill their worthless demands. Sometimes I get confused on things which are really important and things that seemed important. Whatever I choose, there would always be a consequence of my action. I sometimes forget what it is like to breathe. Breathe… meaning to forget my worries and leaving them to God. I just realize that I am just like any other.
"Still," he said, "there are few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.
"And the biggest of those values, Mitch?"Yes?
"Your belief in the importance of your marriage."
He sniffed, then closed his eyes for a minute.
"Personally," he sighed, his eyes still closed, "I think marriage is a very important thing to do, and you're going to miss a hell of a
lot if you don't try it.”
He ended the subject by quoting the poem he believed in like a prayer: "Love each other or perish."
Marriage is teamwork. Most people just do not realize it. I know that, I know a little about marriage. But, I have some already made some principles about the subject itself. Most of my principles about marriage are patterned after my parents. Though I know that their marriage wasn't perfect, (is there such thing as a perfect marriage?) they settle things down, that is… they have the word "compromise" in their dictionary of human relationships. I thought, when I get married, I'll give my whole being to my destined partner. I am his forever, and nothing would ever separate us.
Morrie believed in the inherent good of people. But he also saw what they could become.
"People are only mean when they are threatened," he said later that day, "and that's what our culture does. That's what our economy does. Even people who have jobs in our economy are threatened, because they are worried about losing them. And when you get threatened, you start looking out only for yourself. You start making money a god. It's all part of this culture."
He exhaled, "Which is why I don't buy into it."
Here's what I mean by building your own little subculture," Morrie said. "I don't mean you disregard every rule of your community. I don't go around naked, for example. I don't run through red lights. The little things, I can obey. But the big things- how we think, what we value-those you must choose yourself. You can't let anyone-or any society-determine those for you.
Society can be mean sometimes. And sometimes we just have no choice but to obey its every whim. Society makes you "seem" or "look" free, but in reality it doesn't. The world is still a big prison wherein there are rules that we have to follow. The question of how to survive in this unknown territory is only rooted on the basics. Follow the simple and basic rules, then, maybe perhaps we can feel that we are free.
"As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you have created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on-in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here."
"Death ends a life, not a relationship."
I would always remember mama. If ever you don't like the way I talk during this paper, or perhaps tired that I always mention her (forgive me). I am just trying to relive her again. Even though she may not be by my side, the memories that I shared with her would never be gone or erased. I may forget, the world may forget, but somehow, somewhere, even in a little corner of this world, is a written record that exists of the time we spent with each other. And I am glad, that it wasn't a dream, it all happened real. I’ve met her, and that's an unchangeable truth.
Tuesdays with Morrie, is a book wherein I am able to reflect on things and associate it with myself. It has a lot of important lessons, (just like my favorite manga). I really wanted to have a mentor such as Morrie, who seemed to look at the world in a different light. (I am weird, I know that, but, is there any other person weirder than me?) I've tried to find people like Morrie, and I think I haven't found somebody like him yet. But, he could be my father, my teacher, our community priest, our mayor, a bystander, a friendly handicapped person, or just a dear high school friend who had similar insights just like me. I do not know. What I do know is that, in some point of their lives, people had their own mentors. Perhaps, mama was mine. And if it is anything about the author, well... there are two things that I admired about and I'm jealous about, first, is that he obviously a good writer, and I wanted to write my own book. Second is that he had a mentor like Morrie who seemed to understand things quite differently than other people.
Whatever it is about this book that I can tell about, it is a must read. I've already shared some of my thoughts about this book and I have given importance to some of my favorite lines.
Oh and by the way, there is one thing I wanted to add, that I really applied to my life, it was when Mitch was becoming so sad because his beloved professor is leaving him behind (Well Morrie was dying from his diese). And he said it feels so different to talk to him even if he is gone. But Morrie said "ah... talk," then he added, "You talk and I'll listen," (I love it!)
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